She’s not driving yet???

Yesterday was one of those days when I wished this girl had her license and a vehicle and I didn’t have to drive her anywhere. Because I also had to get another kiddo somewhere and they had to be where they needed to be at basically the same time. I had a thoughtfully planned out driving schedule since I was on my own. And then there was a last minute request to go to the mall…and I lost it.

But to answer the question…No, she isn’t driving yet and thank you Jesus for the sweet and sometimes hard times we’ve shared while driving.

One of my spinning plates is driving kids here there and everywhere. I am not however the mom that drives their kids to school everyday-I am so so grateful for the buses and the bus drivers who take on the challenge of herding cats while safely navigating the drive to and from school. I don’t know why there isn’t a bus driver appreciation day because they truly make my life easier.

My driving consists of shuttling kids to their activities and to work and to events. Livestock barns, soccer and football fields, birthday parties, mall trips, amusement parks, doctors, dentists, orthodontists, internship, volunteering, FFA and 4-H meetings and work. Let me clarify that all of these things are necessary or things my kids have chosen to participate in themselves. I have never been the mom who signed up their kids for anything unless they expressed long term interest. I do however make them follow through on it. Don’t love soccer after 3 weeks…well sorry Charlie the season is 6 weeks long so you will continue to go to practice and games. You made a choice to sign up and join a team, you made a commitment to a team and you will finish out the season and your commitment. But when it’s over you can toss your shin guards and never play again. If you fall in love then I will move heaven and earth and my butt to support your passion in every way I can. Thus the Uber-mom plate.

Back to the she’s not driving yet thing…I know it’s a big rite of passage for kids and for parents. That moment when that drivers license is issued of course we all do the happy dance and take the happy snaps. I’ve gone through that process twice already with two of our older kids. And every time it is a bitter sweet moment for me. Of course I’m thrilled about them being more independent and taking that next step. And it definitely doesn’t suck that they can run to the store for me when I’ve forgotten something I need. Does my worry about my kids level go up exponentially? You bet! And so does our insurance premium. But it’s not the budget change or the worry that makes me wish they weren’t driving yet.

It’s the loss of time. Yes, I get back some of that time that I’ve committed to driving them all over creation, but I lose those sometimes fleeting moments of undivided attention as they are trapped in the vehicle with me. I lose being able to see them in those moments when they are unaware I am watching. I lose being able to see them in their element during those few minutes I linger during drop off or pick up. I lose that scheduled precious few minutes to have a conversation about their day, their friends, their frustrations, my frustrations. A few minutes to share a laugh, a “I can’t believe he did that”, a “what the heck were you thinking”, a “I’m sorry”, or just simply a quiet ride when conversation isn’t necessary.

When your kids are little everyone says they’ll outgrow it soon enough, that it gets better as they get older. They lied! Parenting young adults is different but I dont think it’s any easier and it’s definitely not for the faint of heart. And what no one tells is how quickly the transition happens from them needing you all the time to not really needing you, from sharing every secret with you to having to pull teeth to get an answer beyond “fine”, from worrying about when they’ll finally sleep through the night to worrying and praying that where they are sleeping at night is safe or how as a parent you go from wishing you had more time to yourself to wishing you had more time with them.

I grew up in a very different world. I had a nanny, multiple different ones as I was growing up. Times with my parents were few and far between. I can count on my hands and feet the number of events one parent attended, and just on my hands the number of events that both my parents attended. It wasn’t for a lack of me participating in things. I did theater productions, dance productions, I played softball and was on the dance team. Conversations with my parents only really started happening when I was an adult and a parent myself. I do not want that for my kids. I want them to look back and remember that I was in the audience, in the bleachers at kickoff (always classy until kickoff), by their sides, holding their hands. That I was committed to them and would choose them.

So when someone asks me if I’m tired of driving her around or if I can’t wait until she gets her license so she can drive herself everywhere I pause and say not really.

Perspective change…it is my joy and my privilege to be able to spend this time with them, to be able to afford to do this for them and to support them in their passions. I chose to invest my time and gas money in a way that fills my tank and hopefully theirs.

Time is precious and how we choose to invest our time is a reflection of our priorities.

Do I always want to stop what I’m doing to get back in truck to start the driving crazy again? Heck no! I’m in the middle of binge watching Call the Midwife right now and without fail it’s always time to leave right when a baby is about to be born.

Is she ever going to get her license? Of course she is and we really are working on it. But until then I will pause what I am doing, get my butt in the truck and drive.